Visits to the Grocery Store

One of my favorite times of the week is our visit to the grocery store. Some parents will stop reading this right now with pure disagreement.  I like food and I like all the colorful food choices that the grocery store presents.

My daughter also never complains when I say it is time to go to the grocery store. It is part of her weekly routine and I work to give her a purpose while we are cruising through the aisles.

We start off our adventure in the parking lot. I grab the cart and hand Lauren the reusable grocery bags to carry. (Hey, anything I can do to promote recycling!)  While Aiden is strapped in the child seat, Lauren gets to ride in the big part of the cart until we finish with the produce aisle. (The cart gets too full then). As we walk through the produce aisle I pick up each piece of fruit or vegetable, smell in and then say it's name. I then give it to Lauren to smell and repeat the name of the food. She gets to hold the sturdy things like jicama or cantaloupe. Recently I have been shopping almost strictly organic. We review what it means to buy organic versus not organic.

Then it's time for the baby food. Lauren's chest puffs up when she, as the big sister, gets to pick out food for her baby brother. We talk about getting vegetables, fruit and meat. She goes for the food with the brightest color.

A couple of aisles later we end up in the coffee aisle. It's Lauren's job to pull the lever and watch all the coffee beans fall into the bag. Then she smells the coffee and lets Aiden's nose have a turn too.

A couple of aisles later we end up at the eggs. Lauren's job is to review the eggs in the carton for any broken ones. We've only found one broken egg ever, but boy was that fun when we did. We put the broken egg carton in the grocery cart and took it up to the cashier. Lauren had the job of handing it to the cashier.

After the eggs we head to yogurt. While mom is picking out her favorite yogurt, Lauren gets free reign to pick 10 different yogurts and throw then into the cart. This becomes her favorite snack during the week.

We end the shopping trip in Lauren's favorite aisle, the pinata aisle. Our grocery store has a Hispanic aisle with pinatas hanging overhead. I hinted that we would get a pinata for her birthday. She has had her birthday pinata selected for months. I get a weekly reminder.

At checkout, Lauren's job is to hand the cashier the reusable grocery bags. Then yes, I finally let the child rest and sometimes snack on one of our purchases.

This routine keeps my daughter occupied throughout the whole shopping trip and I hope she learns a little along the way.

Love and Logic: Fixing the Problem

Today my husband invited my daughter outside for some daddy daughter time. He is helping her to develop a passion for cars by allowing her to clean his car with him.

After I watched the two of them work as a team to soap up the car, Lauren had the privilege of spraying the suds away with the hose. Her little brother accidently got in the line of fire. 

So the car was just about clean when Daddy saw Lauren rounding the car while singing a little song. She was putting her own finishing touches on the car by decorating it with sidewalk chalk, the whole way around. 

I could tell my husband wanted to lose it, but he calmly took her aside and explained why he did not want her to do that. He did it softly so I couldn't hear, only Lauren could. Then he asked, "How are we going to fix the problem Lauren?"  

Lauren picked up the sponge and started wiping. After a couple of feet she exclaimed, "I'm tired!"  

"Sorry honey, you'll need to finish the job, " my husband told her. 

My husband walked with her around the car as she "fixed the problem". 

I was happy to see that my daughter didn't lose it and neither did my husband. A potentially big problem was fixed with no drama. 

Mommy Was Going Through a Phase

I haven't written in a while because frankly I felt my parenting skills were on the fritz. For the last month I have been irritable and distracted which you can imagine makes for an impatient mommy. I kept telling everyone that something was off with my daughter. She was more "crazy" that usual.

Well I took a step back. Where were my Love and Logic skills? What was my priority these days? I've been working on a project outside of my children and it was taking up more time than I expected. Okay, regroup. I reviewed with myself, "Was I putting my kids first?" Also, "Was I treating my kids with respect?"

As you can guess, I wasn't. First off, I needed to give my daughter and son my undivided attention for some part of the day. Okay, check. Next, I needed to treat my kids with the same respect that I wanted them to show me.

One thing that I have always been frustrated with as an adult is how sometimes other adults talk down to me in conversation. Why do they do that? It doesn't make for good relationships and it puts the recipient lower on the totem pole. Perhaps that was how their parents talked to them all of the years they lived at home. I can only hope that my daughter will talk to her elders AND friends AND perhaps younger people or people she mentors with love and respect.

I was also listening to Crazy Love on audio by Francis Chan. The author told the story of how his father rarely showed him affection, maybe hugged him once, but was very willing to lay down the rules and give discipline. He said he walked around the house in fear that he was going to get yelled at by his dad. Although sad the day his dad died, he was slightly relieved. He no longer had to tiptoe. He said his dad taught him fear and respect for authority, but as he developed his relationship with God he was more fearful of God than anything. When he let go of that fear and saw God as a loving, accepting God, his relationship with Christ developed.  Big stuff! Big legacy! 

So what did I decide to do? Role model, be a consultant and show my daughter some loving respect. Does that mean I let her get away with everything? Absolutely not!  However, when I'm asking her to stop asking the same question over and over again, I can politely ask her to find something else to do. Or, really stop and listen to what she is saying. I know I would be all ears for a good friend that stopped by for coffee. My daughter deserves the same.

Well I have to say, I feel like I'm getting back on track with my parenting. My daughter and I are working great together with smiles and lots of love.

Love and Logic: Teaching Responsibility

A while back I wrote about how my daughter was changing her clothes 5 times a day and then leaving them all over the floor or they would end up in the dirty laundry pile. That made for a lot of laundry.

In an effort to stop the chaos, I found four boxes of the same size and labeled them shirts/sweaters, pants/skirts, pajamas, and dresses.

Each day before nap and before bedtime we try to go through the same routine of playing pick up with Lauren's clothes.Sometimes, okay, many times we forget to go through this routine.

Last night we put her to bed at 8pm. My husband and I went downstairs to watch TV and around 10pm we heard this little voice, "I cleaned by room!"  Shocked that she was still up, my husband went upstairs and found her room spotless and all of her clothes were put away in the boxes.

I've been working on my responses to her good behavior. This morning I said, "Lauren, I noticed you worked hard on cleaning your room. (I had to stop myself before I said, good job.) I bet you are proud of yourself." 

"Yeah, I am."  She smiled.

Love and Logic: Beginning the Use of L&L at an Early Age

My son is 9 months old, crawling and in to everything. So far he's tried the dog dish (he'll suck on those dog pellets until I notice), the outlets, the lamp cords, dirt, the dog's paws. There's nothing he doesn't explore. I realize that it is time to start setting the limits. When he goes for one of these things, I pick him up and say, "Uh oh." I then redirect him to another part of the room. If he keeps doing it I take him up to his crib and give him a 30 second time out. Then I walk into his room with a cheery face and take him back downstairs.

Is it working? Well, not always. He is still eating dog food and I am still redirecting him. However, he does acknowledge my "uh ohs". He smiles when I say uh oh and about 50% of the time he will stop what he is doing and redirect himself. I'll keep trying. He'll eventually figure it out.

Love and Logic: Interacting with the Younger Sibling

My husband and I have been concerned over my daughter rough approach to her 9 month old brother. We do let her wrestle with him and give him kisses and hugs, but sometimes it goes a little too far. As mother and father bear we are quick to jump to our son's rescue, leaving our daughter feeling guilty and left out.

My husband, Jared, and I discussed last night that we have failed to put our Love and Logic skills to work when it comes to this developing sibling rivalry.

Today I was watchful of the interactions between my daughter and son. When my 30 pound daughter attempted to pick up my 24 pound son I moved quickly toward them and said, "Uh oh."

My daughter let him go when she heard the uh oh and said, "I'll be nice!"  I normally would have been happy with this, but it seems that she forgets 5 minutes later that she agreed to be nice.

This time I gently carried her upstairs and held her next to me. I repeated, "I'll let you go once you are calm."  It took about 10 minutes of hootin' and hollerin'. I sang lullably and stroked her hair in an effort to speed the end of the tantrum.

When the tantrum ended I debriefed with her. "Why did I put you on a time out?," I asked.

"I was being mean to Aiden," she admitted.

"What will happen next time you are rough with Aiden?"

"Timeout."

She has been rough since this time out and has had several subsequent timeouts. However she is starting to recognize there is a consequence when she gets too rough. I'm realizing that perhaps I need to teach her how to be nice to her brother because maybe she thinks she is being nice.

Today, I redirected her neck hugs to stomach hugs. "It's okay to hug around the belly, but it is not okay to hug around the neck."  It's been a work in progress.

Love and Logic: Leaving the Playground

Like most of us, I am always afraid my daughter is going to throw a huge fit when I tell her it is time to leave the playground. She has thrown this notorious fit a few times. However, when I use the Love and Logic 5 minute rule things go a lot smoother.

When I'm getting the itch to get moving I say, "Lauren, would you like to leave now or in 5 minutes?" This option allows me to share the control with my daughter. She knows she has to follow my rules, but she has a little say in them as well.  I prepare myself to always spend the extra 5 minutes playing because her answer always is 5 minutes.

I then keep talking with the other playdate mommy or continue to dig sand with my daughter for the next 5 minutes.

When 5 minutes is up I say, "Okay, 5 minutes is up, time to go." 

Her usual response is, "Okay mommy."  (Thank God.)

She has challenged me on this before, but I usually just take off. She comes screaming behind me, "No, mommy! Don't leave me!" This breaks my heart, but she catches up really quickly and this is an infrequent occurrence.

Love and Logic: No Tantrum?

As a result of the approaching Spring, my daughter is discovering all the wonderful toys that have been hiding out in the garage all winter.  She came across the water balloons we purchased for her birthday party last year and instantly wanted to fill them with water. "Mom, can you fill the bubbles!??!!" After I finally figured out she was talking about the water balloons I decided to help her fill the balloons with water as long as she took them right outside.

The balloons were cheap and probably stressed from the winter months. I tried attaching one balloon to the faucet, but no luck, it ripped. I felt my muscles tense as I waited for my daughter's tantrum to erupt. Instead, she said, "Oh..."

Okay, one more balloon left. "Sorry honey, let me try this last balloon." It also ripped. Crap, both balloon ripped and there were none left.

I looked down at my daughter and apologized. "I'm so sorry honey, I ripped both balloons and there aren't any left."  Wait for it...wait for it.....

"Oh....that's okay mom, that's okay."

Really? It's times like these that inspire me to keep using empathy with my kids.

There are times when my daughter really lets go and throws a massive tantrum. I often wonder if that's a result of a behavior she has seen me do. I've lost my temper with my daughter before. Each time it happens I can only work changing my behavior into empathy instead of anger in the future and then wait for the inspirational moments where my daughter shows me empathy.

Love and Logic: We Really Left the House without Clothes

Last week, I was attempting to get my family to Lauren's Sporties for Shorties class at the Y on time.

On this particular day last week, we had 45 minutes to get everyone ready and drive to the class. My son was down for a nap. I told Lauren we would be leaving in 45 minutes and asked her to get dressed. I then jumped in the shower. When I was done with my shower, Lauren had not dressed herself so I gave Lauren the option whether she would like to pick out her clothes or would she like me to. She asked me to pick out her clothes. So I did. I laid them next to her and asked her to get dressed. Well, she was watching Dora and it was way more interesting.

I gave her an enforceable statement, "I keep Dora on for girls who get dressed." No luck. Blank stare at the dancing animation. I had to turn off Dora.

Then the tantrum erupted and my daughter spewed screams that could be heard down the block. "I want Dora!!!!!"

Time for an uh oh statement. I said, "Uh oh." and plopped her in her room."Do you need the door open or shut?"

"Not open! Not shut!," she screamed. The door went shut.  She attempted to open the door. The door went locked.

Through the door and through the screaming I calmly said, "You are welcome to come out once your clothes are on."  The screaming continued.

I finished getting ready myself. My son woke up from his nap. (There was a lot of screaming.) I plopped my son in the car. Then it was time for my daughter to get in the car.

I was thinking, please be dressed, please be dressed. Guess what, she wasn't dressed. Okay, I thought. Here we go. I picked her up, swooped up her clothes and walked her downstairs to the 45 degree car. She was still screaming. I laid her clothes next to her and buckled her in. She began to scream, "It's cold! It's cold!"

Once I started up the engine, I did turn the heat on. I'm not a mean mom. But even though my son and I were sweating in the 70 degree heat, my daughter was still screaming, "It's cold." She even managed to do a fake shiver.

Fifteen minutes later we arrived at the Y. I parked the car, unbuckled my daughter and calmly said, "Now would be a good time to get dressed."

The clothes were on in under a minute.

I debriefed with her after that. I have to make sure I always use an empathetic tone, but I've noticed I can break into a 'I told you so', tone. I asked her why we drove to the Y without her clothes on.

She said, "Cause I was screaming and I didn't put my clothes on."

"What do you think will happen next time I ask you to put your clothes on and you don't?"

"I go without my clothes on."

"Yes sweetie."

Ughh!  Thank goodness that's over and I didn't lose my cool!

Well yesterday I told Lauren we were going to the Y for her class again. Without even prompting she ran upstairs and said, "I have to get my clothes on!"

Love and Logic: The Dried out Marker

My daughter loves to color with markers. When its time to pick up she struggles with remembering to put the marker caps back on.

I let her know that if the marker caps are not put back on, the markers will dry out. Then we worked to put the cap back on together.

The next time, I asked her, "What do you think will happen if you do not put the marker caps back on?"

She hesitated for a bit and then said, "They dry out!"

The price tag on this isn't too big, so we let her figure out the problem for herself. It wasn't until one of the markers did dry up that it clicked. She picked up her favorite fuschia marker and began to draw.  "Uh oh," she said. "The cap wasn't on. It dried up."

Now I've noticed she snaps the marker cap to the end of the marker and then promptly covers the marker after she is done using it.

Love and Logic: Teaching Responsibility

Yesterday I was doing the dishes and a pan full of water slid out of the sink and the water fell on the floor. My 2 and 1/2 year old daughter was standing right next to me and watched as the water poured onto the floor. I was expecting her to stare at the water to see what would happen next, but no, that little lady right away said, "Ohhh....I can help you mom. Let me get a towel."  She had the whole floor cleaned up.

She gave me empathy and then took responsibility to help me. She knew it was my problem yet she took it upon herself to get the job done. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched her little body struggle to reach all corners of the puddle. It made me realize she has love and respect for me as a mom, she knows what it means to work hard, she knows that it feels good to help others, and she knows not to make a big deal out of accidents, instead problem solve to correct it.

I love this Love and Logic stuff!

Love and Logic and Time Outs

The most basic of the Love and Logic consequences for a toddler is the "uh oh" statement followed by the time out. We started using "uh oh" when Lauren was 6 months old just to see if she would catch on. Whether it was coincidence or not, it worked.

At 6 months old, Lauren was rolling around exploring her environment. She came upon the VCR and receiver and began to turn the dials. As new parents learning Love and Logic we jumped at the chance to put our new skills to use. We picked her up and said, "Uh oh, " in an empathetic tone. Then carried her upstairs to her crib and left the room. She sat for a few moments in her crib and made a few noises. Then we went back in to her room and greeted her with open arms. We brought her back downstairs and set her next to the VCR. Guess what, she ignored it and went in the opposite direction.

Really? Did it actually work?  Well, she hasn't gone back to the VCR or receiver yet and she's 2 1/2 now. Either way, it did boost our confidence in this Love and Logic consequences thing. :)

We are still using "Uh oh" followed by a time out. It definitely has become more challenging to maintain and empathetic tone with her especially when she has a down right tantrum. However, the need for time outs has become less and less. Now, her reaction to uh oh is "NO, NO, NO."  Most of the time she stops what she is doing, but she does have the human desire to push the limits. At that point its up to her room for a time out.

Love and Logic with a Sick Kid

My daughter was up at 4am this morning crying and whining and crying and whining and by 8am she was still crying and whining. I tried a couple of times to encourage her back into her own bed, but I realized soon that something must be wrong. I ended up in her bed where both of us were challenged to fall asleep. By 8:30am, we were in the doctor's office with two confirmed ear infections.

How did I use Love and Logic today? Well, I definitely have been using the "Love" part which I think we are all inclined to do when we have a sick little one. She has spent most of the day on the couch, watching Dora or sleeping and I even let her eat pudding on the couch.

The only thing that doesn't fly when she is sick is being rude. My daughter is lovely dovey and cuddly when she is sick so thank goodness there is no rudeness. Do you think it is right to expect polite behavior from a sick child? For example, if my daughter yelled, "Mom, I want a blanket, NOW!".

My enforceable statement would be, "I get blankets for girls who are polite."  In the real world when we come to work with a cold, are we expected to still be nice? What about when we are tired? It's a real challenge, an added challenge on top of feeling crummy, but those around you are far more apt to take loving care of you if you are polite to them.

I'd love to hear thoughts on this, because I do question my logic here, but I'm just going with my instincts.

Love and Logic and Technology

All of our kids in the future are going to be "techies" as we define them today. Right now our two year old knows how to navigate our iPhones, use the computer and turn off the microwave timer. My husband, being a techie, puts any technology he can in our daughter's hands to see what she can figure out. I even surprise my husband sometimes, by teaching my daughter how to use iPhone applications during the day while he is at work. Once we have shown her something, we encourage her to figure it out for herself the next time. It's fun to see her little hands at work doing something that I started learning when I was starting college.

How is this Love and Logic? Well, from my perspective this is empowerment. I'm teaching my daughter to do things for herself and to learn skills that she will need in the future. I suppose she can make the decision on whether it's cool or not to use an iPhone. But really, she is already getting the basics down on how to use the iPhone multitouch display and how to move the mouse on the computer monitor.

My husband and I worked on an electronic medical record with nurses and doctors for four years prior to kids. Those from the baby boomer generation had a hard time even moving the mouse across the computer monitor. If my daughter is learning this at two, just think what she will be able to accomplish at 20.

Love and Logic: My Daughter Returned the Empathy

I try to be empathetic with my daughter, but sometimes I do slip into angry mom.

Today my daughter decided to not take a nap for the third day in a row. My husband and I are in the process of remodeling our master bedroom and bathroom. Nap time is a chance for me to get some work done. After a failed attempt to get her back to bed, I allowed her into my room to watch me paint.

As I am pulling trim off the walls with a crowbar and laying the trim, full of nails, on the ground, my daughter is jumping around on my bed and bouncing off the walls, literally. Then I start to feel myself heat up. I should have just taken a deep breath, stopped remodeling, and went downstairs with Lauren to play. Instead, I yelled, "Lauren! You should be taking a nap!  Stop jumping around, you are going to step on a nail and then we will have to go to the doctor!!"

I hear Lauren stop and say, "Oh, you're angry momma." Then she ran over to me and said, "Momma, can I give you a hug so you can be happy?"

My heart melted. I was no longer angry. I also stopped pulling trim off the walls, gave Lauren a big hug and went downstairs with my daughter to play.

Love and Logic: Learning Life Lessons Through Experience

I mentioned before that one of Lauren's chores is to put away the clean silverware and kitchen utensils. She learns a lot from doing this including the names for a whisk, spatula, and measuring spoon.

Today she came across an apple peeler. And I came across her sticking it in her mouth and licking it all over the blade. Hmmm....

I realized I had just come across a Love and Logic learning session.  I didn't jump on her for fear of her tongue being sliced in half. Instead, I gave her my empathetic look and asked her questions, "Honey, it looks like there are a couple of things wrong with this picture. Can you tell me what they are?"

It took her a bit, but she removed the apple peeler from that precious tongue and began her normal toddler stream of consciousness. "It's sharp..I get owwie...my tongue get cut...then I go to the doctor."

We also have talked about whether the silverware are clean or dirty after we have licked them up and down. I asked, "Is the apple peeler clean or dirty?"

"Dirty.", she said.

"And what do you do with dirty utensils?", I asked.

"Put them in the sink.", she said. I gave her a wink and then left to write this post.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that two months ago we were in the ER with my daughter because she had bit her tongue and left a 1/2" hole. The hole healed, but the memory is still there. 

Love and Logic Cleaning Our Room

My daughter changes her clothes at least 8 times a day. She has free access to her closet and she has a wicker basket where I keep dress up costumes. She loves to change her clothes. I think of it as a way for her to express herself. It's also a way for us to share the control. I need her to get dressed for the day or get her pajamas on for bed and she gets to pick out what she is going to wear and how it goes on her body. (Most of her clothes end up backwards.)

One problem I was running into was the incredible mess she leaves behind in her bedroom after each clothing change. By the end of each day, I could hardly walk through her room and I had a hard time distinguishing which clothes were dirty and which clothes were clean.

My first attempt to fix the problem was to take away the privilege of going into her closet for a couple of days. I put a lock on the closet door and explained to her that we were going to take a break from her closet. In a couple of days she could try going into her closet as long as she picked up her clothes. ...Well, she gained access again to her closet, but it didn't stay clean.

So, putting on my consultant hat, I started to think of another solution. Maybe she doesn't understand how to keep her closet clean. Organization is something that needs to be taught or at least introduced. I collected four equally sized boxes and labeled them each with a clothing item including one for shirts and sweaters, one for pants and skirts, one for dresses, and one for pajamas. The boxes not only have the word for the clothing item, but the picture as well. (This was Grandma's idea.:)). ...Before nap and bed, we spend time picking up her clothes and putting them in the right boxes. She loves matching the clothes to the right box. Right now, all I am focusing on is the activity of putting the clothes away. The other benefit of this activity is that we do the activity together. She loves that.  I'm not providing consequences just yet if the clothes are not put away. I have to figure out when the right time for that is.

God's Plan for Love and Logic

I was at a bible study today at church. The study focuses on becoming a woman of purpose by developing my relationship with God. Love and Logic is definitely the tool I want to use to raise my children, but I started to realize today that I have forgotten the one who gave me the tool in the first place. Love and Logic is God's tool to help me raise my children.

Then I started to realize how Love and Logic really does allow my children to follow the plan God has for them. With Love and Logic, I am my child's consultant and guide. I should not be the one that barks orders and yells, "No!" all day. In fact, when I get angry with my daughter I'm making it all about me instead asking for God's help to remain empathetic.

By giving my child options, I am allowing her to chose the path best for her. Now I realize that right now, she may just be picking peanut butter and jelly over ham and cheese, but if she is able to make these decisions now she will be more prepared to make bigger decisions in the future. And, as a consultant, if I guide her to open her heart to Jesus and ask God to help her with her decisions, she will have a better chance of following the path intended for her.

I feel like a Love and Logic failure today

We just got back from a kid's class at the YMCA called Sporties for Shorties. I am exhausted. Not because I was running around with my daughter and not because I was trying to handle both my daughter and my son at the same time. I am exhausted from trying to get my daughter to participate in class. I feel like sometimes I lose all Love and Logic skills and I go brain dead. My daughter refused to participate in class. She said she was exhausted. She wanted to go home. All the other kids are playing, having fun. Why is my daughter always the one that refuses to participate?

I'm pretty sure it's that she wants to maintain control of the situation. If I let her maintain control.all the time she would still be dressed in her pajamas and sitting in front of the tv watching Dora...eating a fudge pop. So Love and Logic says to share the control. I don't want to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. But, does she really not want to participate in the class or does she just want to be able to make some of the decisions along the way?

I have to say, today, I was plum out of options to give my daughter so that she could make decisions. In fact, she came up with her own options today. She just ran around the gym and didn't even acknowledge the activities going on. Right now, I just want to cry because I feel like I failed today as a mom. Thankfully, she asked to go home right in the middle of the class, and guess what? I took her up on the offer. We are now at home. She is watching Dora.

Washing Hands

We have three rules for hand washing.

1. We wash hands when we walk in the house from an outing. 
2. We wash hands after going to the bathroom.
3. We wash hands before eating or cooking. 

I use Love and Logic's enforceable statements.

• Lauren, you are welcome to join us at the table after you wash your hands. 
• Lauren, you are welcome to leave the bathroom after you wash your hands. 
• Lauren, you are welcome to help me bake cookies once your hands are washed. 

I give her options.

• Lauren, would you like to wash your hands at the kitchen sink or the bathroom sink? 

I also get her to use her brain.

• Sometimes she wants to use the kitchen sink, but she can't reach the kitchen sink. I ask her what can she do about that. She thinks to herself and then grabs her stool.
• A couple of times I've heard her yell from the bathroom, "Too hot!" We talked about how the handle on the sink makes the water hot. I ask her to see if she could make the water cold. It took her a bit, but she figured it out. 

Got any Love and Logic ideas to share?? Let's hear um!

Street Safety

I've had to yell, "Lauren, NO!" a couple of times as she was about to walk into the road. It created an adrenaline rush in me that drove me to find a way to prevent it from happening.

We take walks almost everyday in the summer. Last year, Lauren no longer wanted to ride in the stroller so she began running.  This was a perfect time for me to start teaching about road safety. Every time we came to an intersection or road crossing, we would both stop together. I first told her that cars drive in the road and they will give you a BIG owwiee. I told her the first thing we do is stop and look for cars both ways. Then we hold momma's hand and cross the street. I did this for most of the walk at each road crossing.

Then I asked her the questions. We came to an street and I asked her what is the first thing we do before we cross the street. It took her a couple of seconds, but she said, "Cars."  I asked her if there were any cars and she said no. Then I asked her what we do before we cross the street. She said, "Hold hands." We then crossed the street together.

Now, every time we come to a road crossing I ask her, "What do we do before we cross a road?" She usually says, "Hold hands." We talk about looking for cars too and we both go through the motions even if there isn't a car in sight.

What happens when she forgets to look for cars and hold hands? Well for one, I've got my eye on her so if there is a car, I'm there to swoop her up. However, if there isn't a car, I give her the benefit of the doubt that she is going to look for cars and hold hands. If she doesn't, I say, "Uh oh."  I then swoop her up and put her in the stroller and tell her that she can try walking again later.

75% awesome and about 25% ugh

I do try to use Love and Logic parenting all the time, but sometimes I slip back into a "dictator" parenting style. You can imagine how that goes over with a strong willed independent little lady. And even sometimes when I am using Love and Logic parenting, my daughter still has a meltdown.

Life with my toddler is about 75% awesome and about 25% ugh.

I do notice life is easier and less stressful when I am using Love and Logic. My neighbor reassured me that life with my toddler will reach 90%+ awesome the more I use Love and Logic.

Getting dressed for the outdoors

My daughter likes to wear summer dresses around the house in the winter. She doesn't seem to mind that her feet are ice cold half the time. However, when we ask her to get ready to go outside on a cold winter day she now knows that warm clothes are more comfortable.

She was refusing to wear a jacket to go outside. So my husband and I decided to have her find out for herself whether a summer dress would work outdoors. We escorted her out to deck where she soon realized the summer dress wasn't going to work. She came screaming back in the house. We had to do this five or six times before she realized winter wasn't going away. (I know, bummer.)


The other day I asked her to get ready to go outside. Just as she was about to go outside she said, "I need a coat!". She ran to the closet, put on her coat and went on her merry way.

The other day I stepped onto the deck to clean the outside of the sliding glass door. My daughter came running over to me and said, "Mom, it's cold. You need a coat!"

When we are out of the house and just about to leave the grocery store, for example, I ask her if she wants to carry her coat or wear her coat. She carried her coat for a while until December and January hit and then she decided to wear her coat.

My neighbor is a Love and Logic instructor

My neighbor, Chris, is a Love and Logic Instructor. He gives presentations to schools and parent groups and does a great job! He is the one that introduced Love and Logic to me and has been helping me to grow in my understanding and use of it. If you are interested in talking to him or hiring him to do a presentation for a group, please let me know!

Chores for a Toddler

I am trying to give my two year old daughter some responsibilities around the house for the main purpose of giving her a sense of purpose and value in the family. She does focus a lot of being a big girl (so that she can ride her big girl bike and go to school, she says) so she welcomes the tasks that I give her, as long as they are on her time.

Her daily task is to put away the silverware after they are cleaned in the dishwasher. I ask her whether she wants to put the silverware away now or in 5 minutes. She has never said now. To make sure I stay true to 5 minutes, I set the kitchen timer as I continue to put away the rest of the dishes. Then when the 5 minute timer rings, I ask if she wants to use her Learning Tower or a chair to reach the silverware drawer. One day she decided to use a chair and fell. Now when I give her the choice she tells me she needs to use her Learning Tower because a chair is dangerous. After she puts away the silverware, she returns the silverware basket to the dishwasher and closes the dishwasher. Then she exclaims, "Momma! I did it!"  .

Putting away our coat and boots

You would probably agree that one of the more challenging tasks in your day is keeping your house picked up as your toddler zooms through it once every half hour. I'm finding little ways here and there to reduce the amount of toys, clothes, etc. that I do have to pick up.

One of those ways is by motivating my 2 1/2 year old daughter to pick up after herself.

I was finding that our kitchen floor was full of mud and dirt from the tiny shoes that were dragging it in the house. I was also noticing that I was picking up small winter coats and mittens and putting them away in the closet more than once a day. Using Love and Logic, I have been able to cross frequent floor cleaning and coat pickup off my list.

When we come home from an outing, before I get my daughter out of the car, I ask, "What do we do before we go in the house?" At first she responded, "What?". I gave her the option of taking her shoes off before she enters the house or taking her shoes off in the car and walking through the dirty garage. She picked taking her shoes off before entering the house. (Thank goodness for her socks.) Now when I ask, "What do we do before we go into the house?", she responds, "Take shoes off."

Then I ask her what she should do with her coat when she gets inside. I had to give her options at first, but then she started to respond, "Put the coat in the closet."

After several weeks of repeating these questions, now when we get home she removes her shoes and puts away her coat. (I even have her putting my coat away now.)

By the way, she is allowed to store her coat in the bottom of the hall closest. I don't worry about hanging it. That way when we need to get ready to go somewhere, she is able to dress herself for the outdoors.

Nap time and Bed time

My daughter started to refuse naps. However around 5pm, she was yawning and cranky. Here is what I did and it has been working for a couple of weeks. I announce to my daughter that it's nap time. Then we set a timer together for 20 minutes. The timer I have allows you to pick the sound that rings when the timer is up. My daughter picks the sound. Then before she presses "start", we review what needs to happen in the 20 minutes before bed. I ask her, "What do you need to do before you take a nap?" I have worked with her so that she now responds, "Brush teeth, go potty, put on jammies, read books." She likes to put on jammies for nap. Then she hits the timer and we both run upstairs to get ready for nap.

She sometimes dawdles, but I ask her what will happen if she spends all of her time going potty or brushing teeth. We work together to figure out that she won't have time for books. By the time she has finished brushing teeth, going potty and putting on jammies we usually have about 10 minutes left. Then she picks out her books and jumps in bed.

When the timer goes off, I have her shut off the timer, tuck her in and kiss her nigh nigh. I then ask if she wants the light on or off and the door open or closed. She usually picks light on and door open. I then ask what will happen if she gets out of bed and she responds, "Door goes shut."

Now at this time I leave the room. Sometimes she does get out of bed and which point the door goes shut. However, when the door goes shut she can play alone as long as she is quiet. Usually about an hour after solo play I go up to her room and find her tucked under her covers fast asleep. :)

Love and Logic

This is my first post on Love and Logic parenting. I've been wanting a place to discuss with other parents on their Love and Logic parenting experiences. My daughter, Lauren, is 2 1/2 years old and my son, Aiden, is 6 months old.

I was not raised with Love and Logic, but thankfully, my sister and my neighbor introduced me to Love and Logic right before my daughter was born. It didn't come naturally to me. I attended a class and read the books. I listen to the early childhood cds on my walks and in the car and talk to my neighbor, a Love and Logic instructor, at least once a week. I've made it a passion of mine to become a Love and Logic parent. I can tell you that it wasn't until recently, that the light bulb clicked in my head. I'm starting to get it!! It's my belief that to use Love and Logic, you must embrace so it becomes apart of you. That way when the situation arises with your child, you aren't scrambling to know what to do.

What is Love and Logic parenting? In my own words, its being a loving, empathetic consultant to your children so that they have the best chance of becoming confident, self-reliant, loving individuals.

My goal with this blog is to post my experiences as a Love and Logic mom. My hope is that those of you reading this who use Love and Logic will provide your experiences as well so we can learn from each other. My other hope is that I can get those of you parents unfamiliar with Love and Logic to start looking into it more.