Friday, February 5, 2010

I feel like a Love and Logic failure today

We just got back from a kid's class at the YMCA called Sporties for Shorties. I am exhausted. Not because I was running around with my daughter and not because I was trying to handle both my daughter and my son at the same time. I am exhausted from trying to get my daughter to participate in class. I feel like sometimes I lose all Love and Logic skills and I go brain dead. My daughter refused to participate in class. She said she was exhausted. She wanted to go home. All the other kids are playing, having fun. Why is my daughter always the one that refuses to participate?

I'm pretty sure it's that she wants to maintain control of the situation. If I let her maintain control.all the time she would still be dressed in her pajamas and sitting in front of the tv watching Dora...eating a fudge pop. So Love and Logic says to share the control. I don't want to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. But, does she really not want to participate in the class or does she just want to be able to make some of the decisions along the way?

I have to say, today, I was plum out of options to give my daughter so that she could make decisions. In fact, she came up with her own options today. She just ran around the gym and didn't even acknowledge the activities going on. Right now, I just want to cry because I feel like I failed today as a mom. Thankfully, she asked to go home right in the middle of the class, and guess what? I took her up on the offer. We are now at home. She is watching Dora.

2 comments:

Chris Peterson said...

Failure implies that you quit. How about looking at it as merely a bump in the road. Remember we didn't become parents to make friends at events like sporties for shorties. If the goal of the activity is to be active, perhaps you find a different arena where that can happen that suits her better. If the goal is to be social, maybe this class is just too much at this time for her (or just on that day). If the goal is for her to become a superstar athlete...well, good luck with that. The challenge then is to determine the goal of the event and create choices that still move you toward reaching that goal. I'm not sure how Dora fits into this scenario. Remember also, that throughout a given day we give choices when we do not care of the outcome so that when we do have stake in the result, we make a withdrawal and become an active parent and make the choice for the child. And, that in and of itself is a skill in utilizing language to help shape reality in a delightful way; allowing for character development and letting empathy lock in the learning. And, Nicole, I'm totally using your blog to get brushed up on things for my presentations next week. Thanks ;)

love and logic mom said...

Thanks Chris. I appreciate the input!