Love and Logic: Interacting with the Younger Sibling

My husband and I have been concerned over my daughter rough approach to her 9 month old brother. We do let her wrestle with him and give him kisses and hugs, but sometimes it goes a little too far. As mother and father bear we are quick to jump to our son's rescue, leaving our daughter feeling guilty and left out.

My husband, Jared, and I discussed last night that we have failed to put our Love and Logic skills to work when it comes to this developing sibling rivalry.

Today I was watchful of the interactions between my daughter and son. When my 30 pound daughter attempted to pick up my 24 pound son I moved quickly toward them and said, "Uh oh."

My daughter let him go when she heard the uh oh and said, "I'll be nice!"  I normally would have been happy with this, but it seems that she forgets 5 minutes later that she agreed to be nice.

This time I gently carried her upstairs and held her next to me. I repeated, "I'll let you go once you are calm."  It took about 10 minutes of hootin' and hollerin'. I sang lullably and stroked her hair in an effort to speed the end of the tantrum.

When the tantrum ended I debriefed with her. "Why did I put you on a time out?," I asked.

"I was being mean to Aiden," she admitted.

"What will happen next time you are rough with Aiden?"

"Timeout."

She has been rough since this time out and has had several subsequent timeouts. However she is starting to recognize there is a consequence when she gets too rough. I'm realizing that perhaps I need to teach her how to be nice to her brother because maybe she thinks she is being nice.

Today, I redirected her neck hugs to stomach hugs. "It's okay to hug around the belly, but it is not okay to hug around the neck."  It's been a work in progress.