Sunday, February 28, 2010

Love and Logic and Time Outs

The most basic of the Love and Logic consequences for a toddler is the "uh oh" statement followed by the time out. We started using "uh oh" when Lauren was 6 months old just to see if she would catch on. Whether it was coincidence or not, it worked.

At 6 months old, Lauren was rolling around exploring her environment. She came upon the VCR and receiver and began to turn the dials. As new parents learning Love and Logic we jumped at the chance to put our new skills to use. We picked her up and said, "Uh oh, " in an empathetic tone. Then carried her upstairs to her crib and left the room. She sat for a few moments in her crib and made a few noises. Then we went back in to her room and greeted her with open arms. We brought her back downstairs and set her next to the VCR. Guess what, she ignored it and went in the opposite direction.

Really? Did it actually work?  Well, she hasn't gone back to the VCR or receiver yet and she's 2 1/2 now. Either way, it did boost our confidence in this Love and Logic consequences thing. :)

We are still using "Uh oh" followed by a time out. It definitely has become more challenging to maintain and empathetic tone with her especially when she has a down right tantrum. However, the need for time outs has become less and less. Now, her reaction to uh oh is "NO, NO, NO."  Most of the time she stops what she is doing, but she does have the human desire to push the limits. At that point its up to her room for a time out.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Love and Logic with a Sick Kid

My daughter was up at 4am this morning crying and whining and crying and whining and by 8am she was still crying and whining. I tried a couple of times to encourage her back into her own bed, but I realized soon that something must be wrong. I ended up in her bed where both of us were challenged to fall asleep. By 8:30am, we were in the doctor's office with two confirmed ear infections.

How did I use Love and Logic today? Well, I definitely have been using the "Love" part which I think we are all inclined to do when we have a sick little one. She has spent most of the day on the couch, watching Dora or sleeping and I even let her eat pudding on the couch.

The only thing that doesn't fly when she is sick is being rude. My daughter is lovely dovey and cuddly when she is sick so thank goodness there is no rudeness. Do you think it is right to expect polite behavior from a sick child? For example, if my daughter yelled, "Mom, I want a blanket, NOW!".

My enforceable statement would be, "I get blankets for girls who are polite."  In the real world when we come to work with a cold, are we expected to still be nice? What about when we are tired? It's a real challenge, an added challenge on top of feeling crummy, but those around you are far more apt to take loving care of you if you are polite to them.

I'd love to hear thoughts on this, because I do question my logic here, but I'm just going with my instincts.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Love and Logic and Technology

All of our kids in the future are going to be "techies" as we define them today. Right now our two year old knows how to navigate our iPhones, use the computer and turn off the microwave timer. My husband, being a techie, puts any technology he can in our daughter's hands to see what she can figure out. I even surprise my husband sometimes, by teaching my daughter how to use iPhone applications during the day while he is at work. Once we have shown her something, we encourage her to figure it out for herself the next time. It's fun to see her little hands at work doing something that I started learning when I was starting college.

How is this Love and Logic? Well, from my perspective this is empowerment. I'm teaching my daughter to do things for herself and to learn skills that she will need in the future. I suppose she can make the decision on whether it's cool or not to use an iPhone. But really, she is already getting the basics down on how to use the iPhone multitouch display and how to move the mouse on the computer monitor.

My husband and I worked on an electronic medical record with nurses and doctors for four years prior to kids. Those from the baby boomer generation had a hard time even moving the mouse across the computer monitor. If my daughter is learning this at two, just think what she will be able to accomplish at 20.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Love and Logic: My Daughter Returned the Empathy

I try to be empathetic with my daughter, but sometimes I do slip into angry mom.

Today my daughter decided to not take a nap for the third day in a row. My husband and I are in the process of remodeling our master bedroom and bathroom. Nap time is a chance for me to get some work done. After a failed attempt to get her back to bed, I allowed her into my room to watch me paint.

As I am pulling trim off the walls with a crowbar and laying the trim, full of nails, on the ground, my daughter is jumping around on my bed and bouncing off the walls, literally. Then I start to feel myself heat up. I should have just taken a deep breath, stopped remodeling, and went downstairs with Lauren to play. Instead, I yelled, "Lauren! You should be taking a nap!  Stop jumping around, you are going to step on a nail and then we will have to go to the doctor!!"

I hear Lauren stop and say, "Oh, you're angry momma." Then she ran over to me and said, "Momma, can I give you a hug so you can be happy?"

My heart melted. I was no longer angry. I also stopped pulling trim off the walls, gave Lauren a big hug and went downstairs with my daughter to play.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Love and Logic: Learning Life Lessons Through Experience

I mentioned before that one of Lauren's chores is to put away the clean silverware and kitchen utensils. She learns a lot from doing this including the names for a whisk, spatula, and measuring spoon.

Today she came across an apple peeler. And I came across her sticking it in her mouth and licking it all over the blade. Hmmm....

I realized I had just come across a Love and Logic learning session.  I didn't jump on her for fear of her tongue being sliced in half. Instead, I gave her my empathetic look and asked her questions, "Honey, it looks like there are a couple of things wrong with this picture. Can you tell me what they are?"

It took her a bit, but she removed the apple peeler from that precious tongue and began her normal toddler stream of consciousness. "It's sharp..I get owwie...my tongue get cut...then I go to the doctor."

We also have talked about whether the silverware are clean or dirty after we have licked them up and down. I asked, "Is the apple peeler clean or dirty?"

"Dirty.", she said.

"And what do you do with dirty utensils?", I asked.

"Put them in the sink.", she said. I gave her a wink and then left to write this post.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that two months ago we were in the ER with my daughter because she had bit her tongue and left a 1/2" hole. The hole healed, but the memory is still there. 

Monday, February 15, 2010

Love and Logic Cleaning Our Room

My daughter changes her clothes at least 8 times a day. She has free access to her closet and she has a wicker basket where I keep dress up costumes. She loves to change her clothes. I think of it as a way for her to express herself. It's also a way for us to share the control. I need her to get dressed for the day or get her pajamas on for bed and she gets to pick out what she is going to wear and how it goes on her body. (Most of her clothes end up backwards.)

One problem I was running into was the incredible mess she leaves behind in her bedroom after each clothing change. By the end of each day, I could hardly walk through her room and I had a hard time distinguishing which clothes were dirty and which clothes were clean.

My first attempt to fix the problem was to take away the privilege of going into her closet for a couple of days. I put a lock on the closet door and explained to her that we were going to take a break from her closet. In a couple of days she could try going into her closet as long as she picked up her clothes. ...Well, she gained access again to her closet, but it didn't stay clean.

So, putting on my consultant hat, I started to think of another solution. Maybe she doesn't understand how to keep her closet clean. Organization is something that needs to be taught or at least introduced. I collected four equally sized boxes and labeled them each with a clothing item including one for shirts and sweaters, one for pants and skirts, one for dresses, and one for pajamas. The boxes not only have the word for the clothing item, but the picture as well. (This was Grandma's idea.:)). ...Before nap and bed, we spend time picking up her clothes and putting them in the right boxes. She loves matching the clothes to the right box. Right now, all I am focusing on is the activity of putting the clothes away. The other benefit of this activity is that we do the activity together. She loves that.  I'm not providing consequences just yet if the clothes are not put away. I have to figure out when the right time for that is.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

God's Plan for Love and Logic

I was at a bible study today at church. The study focuses on becoming a woman of purpose by developing my relationship with God. Love and Logic is definitely the tool I want to use to raise my children, but I started to realize today that I have forgotten the one who gave me the tool in the first place. Love and Logic is God's tool to help me raise my children.

Then I started to realize how Love and Logic really does allow my children to follow the plan God has for them. With Love and Logic, I am my child's consultant and guide. I should not be the one that barks orders and yells, "No!" all day. In fact, when I get angry with my daughter I'm making it all about me instead asking for God's help to remain empathetic.

By giving my child options, I am allowing her to chose the path best for her. Now I realize that right now, she may just be picking peanut butter and jelly over ham and cheese, but if she is able to make these decisions now she will be more prepared to make bigger decisions in the future. And, as a consultant, if I guide her to open her heart to Jesus and ask God to help her with her decisions, she will have a better chance of following the path intended for her.

Friday, February 5, 2010

I feel like a Love and Logic failure today

We just got back from a kid's class at the YMCA called Sporties for Shorties. I am exhausted. Not because I was running around with my daughter and not because I was trying to handle both my daughter and my son at the same time. I am exhausted from trying to get my daughter to participate in class. I feel like sometimes I lose all Love and Logic skills and I go brain dead. My daughter refused to participate in class. She said she was exhausted. She wanted to go home. All the other kids are playing, having fun. Why is my daughter always the one that refuses to participate?

I'm pretty sure it's that she wants to maintain control of the situation. If I let her maintain control.all the time she would still be dressed in her pajamas and sitting in front of the tv watching Dora...eating a fudge pop. So Love and Logic says to share the control. I don't want to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. But, does she really not want to participate in the class or does she just want to be able to make some of the decisions along the way?

I have to say, today, I was plum out of options to give my daughter so that she could make decisions. In fact, she came up with her own options today. She just ran around the gym and didn't even acknowledge the activities going on. Right now, I just want to cry because I feel like I failed today as a mom. Thankfully, she asked to go home right in the middle of the class, and guess what? I took her up on the offer. We are now at home. She is watching Dora.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Washing Hands

We have three rules for hand washing.
  1. We wash hands when we walk in the house from an outing. 
  2. We wash hands after going to the bathroom.
  3. We wash hands before eating or cooking. 
I use Love and Logic's enforceable statements.
  • Lauren, you are welcome to join us at the table after you wash your hands. 
  • Lauren, you are welcome to leave the bathroom after you wash your hands. 
  • Lauren, you are welcome to help me bake cookies once your hands are washed. 
I give her options.
  • Lauren, would you like to wash your hands at the kitchen sink or the bathroom sink? 
I also get her to use her brain.
  • Sometimes she wants to use the kitchen sink, but she can't reach the kitchen sink. I ask her what can she do about that. She thinks to herself and then grabs her stool.
  • A couple of times I've heard her yell from the bathroom, "Too hot!" We talked about how the handle on the sink makes the water hot. I ask her to see if she could make the water cold. It took her a bit, but she figured it out. 
Got any Love and Logic ideas to share?? Let's hear um!