Friday, April 23, 2010

Love and Logic: Teaching Responsibility

A while back I wrote about how my daughter was changing her clothes 5 times a day and then leaving them all over the floor or they would end up in the dirty laundry pile. That made for a lot of laundry.

In an effort to stop the chaos, I found four boxes of the same size and labeled them shirts/sweaters, pants/skirts, pajamas, and dresses.

Each day before nap and before bedtime we try to go through the same routine of playing pick up with Lauren's clothes.Sometimes, okay, many times we forget to go through this routine.

Last night we put her to bed at 8pm. My husband and I went downstairs to watch TV and around 10pm we heard this little voice, "I cleaned by room!"  Shocked that she was still up, my husband went upstairs and found her room spotless and all of her clothes were put away in the boxes.

I've been working on my responses to her good behavior. This morning I said, "Lauren, I noticed you worked hard on cleaning your room. (I had to stop myself before I said, good job.) I bet you are proud of yourself.

"Yeah, I am."  She smiled.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Love and Logic: Beginning the Use of L&L at an Early Age

My son is 9 months old, crawling and in to everything. So far he's tried the dog dish (he'll suck on those dog pellets until I notice), the outlets, the lamp cords, dirt, the dog's paws. There's nothing he doesn't explore. I realize that it is time to start setting the limits. When he goes for one of these things, I pick him up and say, "Uh oh." I then redirect him to another part of the room. If he keeps doing it I take him up to his crib and give him a 30 second time out. Then I walk into his room with a cheery face and take him back downstairs.

Is it working? Well, not always. He is still eating dog food and I am still redirecting him. However, he does acknowledge my "uh ohs". He smiles when I say uh oh and about 50% of the time he will stop what he is doing and redirect himself. I'll keep trying. He'll eventually figure it out.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Love and Logic: Interacting with the Younger Sibling

My husband and I have been concerned over my daughter rough approach to her 9 month old brother. We do let her wrestle with him and give him kisses and hugs, but sometimes it goes a little too far. As mother and father bear we are quick to jump to our son's rescue, leaving our daughter feeling guilty and left out.

My husband, Jared, and I discussed last night that we have failed to put our Love and Logic skills to work when it comes to this developing sibling rivalry.

Today I was watchful of the interactions between my daughter and son. When my 30 pound daughter attempted to pick up my 24 pound son I moved quickly toward them and said, "Uh oh."

My daughter let him go when she heard the uh oh and said, "I'll be nice!"  I normally would have been happy with this, but it seems that she forgets 5 minutes later that she agreed to be nice.

This time I gently carried her upstairs and held her next to me. I repeated, "I'll let you go once you are calm."  It took about 10 minutes of hootin' and hollerin'. I sang lullably and stroked her hair in an effort to speed the end of the tantrum.

When the tantrum ended I debriefed with her. "Why did I put you on a time out?," I asked.

"I was being mean to Aiden," she admitted.

"What will happen next time you are rough with Aiden?"

"Timeout."

She has been rough since this time out and has had several subsequent timeouts. However she is starting to recognize there is a consequence when she gets too rough. I'm realizing that perhaps I need to teach her how to be nice to her brother because maybe she thinks she is being nice.

Today, I redirected her neck hugs to stomach hugs. "It's okay to hug around the belly, but it is not okay to hug around the neck."  It's been a work in progress.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Love and Logic: Leaving the Playground

Like most of us, I am always afraid my daughter is going to throw a huge fit when I tell her it is time to leave the playground. She has thrown this notorious fit a few times. However, when I use the Love and Logic 5 minute rule things go a lot smoother.

When I'm getting the itch to get moving I say, "Lauren, would you like to leave now or in 5 minutes?" This option allows me to share the control with my daughter. She knows she has to follow my rules, but she has a little say in them as well.  I prepare myself to always spend the extra 5 minutes playing because her answer always is 5 minutes.

I then keep talking with the other playdate mommy or continue to dig sand with my daughter for the next 5 minutes.

When 5 minutes is up I say, "Okay, 5 minutes is up, time to go." 

Her usual response is, "Okay mommy."  (Thank God.)

She has challenged me on this before, but I usually just take off. She comes screaming behind me, "No, mommy! Don't leave me!" This breaks my heart, but she catches up really quickly and this is an infrequent occurrence.