Sunday, March 28, 2010

Love and Logic: No Tantrum?

As a result of the approaching Spring, my daughter is discovering all the wonderful toys that have been hiding out in the garage all winter.  She came across the water balloons we purchased for her birthday party last year and instantly wanted to fill them with water. "Mom, can you fill the bubbles!??!!" After I finally figured out she was talking about the water balloons I decided to help her fill the balloons with water as long as she took them right outside.

The balloons were cheap and probably stressed from the winter months. I tried attaching one balloon to the faucet, but no luck, it ripped. I felt my muscles tense as I waited for my daughter's tantrum to erupt. Instead, she said, "Oh..."

Okay, one more balloon left. "Sorry honey, let me try this last balloon." It also ripped. Crap, both balloon ripped and there were none left.

I looked down at my daughter and apologized. "I'm so sorry honey, I ripped both balloons and there aren't any left."  Wait for it...wait for it.....

"Oh....that's okay mom, that's okay."

Really? It's times like these that inspire me to keep using empathy with my kids.

There are times when my daughter really lets go and throws a massive tantrum. I often wonder if that's a result of a behavior she has seen me do. I've lost my temper with my daughter before. Each time it happens I can only work changing my behavior into empathy instead of anger in the future and then wait for the inspirational moments where my daughter shows me empathy.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Love and Logic: We Really Left the House without Clothes

Last week, I was attempting to get my family to Lauren's Sporties for Shorties class at the Y on time.

On this particular day last week, we had 45 minutes to get everyone ready and drive to the class. My son was down for a nap. I told Lauren we would be leaving in 45 minutes and asked her to get dressed. I then jumped in the shower. When I was done with my shower, Lauren had not dressed herself so I gave Lauren the option whether she would like to pick out her clothes or would she like me to. She asked me to pick out her clothes. So I did. I laid them next to her and asked her to get dressed. Well, she was watching Dora and it was way more interesting.

I gave her an enforceable statement, "I keep Dora on for girls who get dressed." No luck. Blank stare at the dancing animation. I had to turn off Dora.

Then the tantrum erupted and my daughter spewed screams that could be heard down the block. "I want Dora!!!!!"

Time for an uh oh statement. I said, "Uh oh." and plopped her in her room."Do you need the door open or shut?"

"Not open! Not shut!," she screamed. The door went shut.  She attempted to open the door. The door went locked.

Through the door and through the screaming I calmly said, "You are welcome to come out once your clothes are on."  The screaming continued.

I finished getting ready myself. My son woke up from his nap. (There was a lot of screaming.) I plopped my son in the car. Then it was time for my daughter to get in the car.

I was thinking, please be dressed, please be dressed. Guess what, she wasn't dressed. Okay, I thought. Here we go. I picked her up, swooped up her clothes and walked her downstairs to the 45 degree car. She was still screaming. I laid her clothes next to her and buckled her in. She began to scream, "It's cold! It's cold!"

Once I started up the engine, I did turn the heat on. I'm not a mean mom. But even though my son and I were sweating in the 70 degree heat, my daughter was still screaming, "It's cold." She even managed to do a fake shiver.

Fifteen minutes later we arrived at the Y. I parked the car, unbuckled my daughter and calmly said, "Now would be a good time to get dressed."

The clothes were on in under a minute.

I debriefed with her after that. I have to make sure I always use an empathetic tone, but I've noticed I can break into a 'I told you so', tone. I asked her why we drove to the Y without her clothes on.

She said, "Cause I was screaming and I didn't put my clothes on."

"What do you think will happen next time I ask you to put your clothes on and you don't?"

"I go without my clothes on."

"Yes sweetie."

Ughh!  Thank goodness that's over and I didn't lose my cool!

Well yesterday I told Lauren we were going to the Y for her class again. Without even prompting she ran upstairs and said, "I have to get my clothes on!"

Monday, March 8, 2010

Love and Logic: The Dried out Marker

My daughter loves to color with markers. When its time to pick up she struggles with remembering to put the marker caps back on.

I let her know that if the marker caps are not put back on, the markers will dry out. Then we worked to put the cap back on together.

The next time, I asked her, "What do you think will happen if you do not put the marker caps back on?"

She hesitated for a bit and then said, "They dry out!"

The price tag on this isn't too big, so we let her figure out the problem for herself. It wasn't until one of the markers did dry up that it clicked. She picked up her favorite fuschia marker and began to draw.  "Uh oh," she said. "The cap wasn't on. It dried up."

Now I've noticed she snaps the marker cap to the end of the marker and then promptly covers the marker after she is done using it.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Love and Logic: Teaching Responsibility

Yesterday I was doing the dishes and a pan full of water slid out of the sink and the water fell on the floor. My 2 and 1/2 year old daughter was standing right next to me and watched as the water poured onto the floor. I was expecting her to stare at the water to see what would happen next, but no, that little lady right away said, "Ohhh....I can help you mom. Let me get a towel."  She had the whole floor cleaned up.

She gave me empathy and then took responsibility to help me. She knew it was my problem yet she took it upon herself to get the job done. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched her little body struggle to reach all corners of the puddle. It made me realize she has love and respect for me as a mom, she knows what it means to work hard, she knows that it feels good to help others, and she knows not to make a big deal out of accidents, instead problem solve to correct it.

I love this Love and Logic stuff!